I am not even sure how to approach this day's blog. All I know, as of right now, is that its going to contain a LOT of pictures of my brother. [And don't judge - some of these pics are old, and from some not very flattering times! lol] So if you aren't okay with that, then don't even bother reading on from this point.
Tomorrow (March 4th) marks the official 3 year anniversary from the day of Joey's accident. Part of me cannot believe how fast these past three years have gone... and the other part of me feels like it has literally been an eternity since I have gotten to have an awesome conversation with my brother, hug my brother, or just even see my brother. There is always that part in me that also just hates coming to terms with the fact that the world doesn't stop spinning when someone you love passes away. It just keeps going... time keeps ticking and life goes on. No one stops because you are in pain, no one postpones their life to mourn with you. Life just continues going on. It sucks. Point blank, no better way to put it, it sucks.
For those of you who knew Joey, you know that he was a heartfelt, fun, enjoyable, crazy, life-living, amazing person. He was full of personality... Always smiling and laughing. Always having fun and going on adventures. Always there for you, no matter what the situation. He was a truly giving person, one of my very best and dearest friends, my older brother, and a confidant of mine. I miss him terribly. But there aren't enough words in the dictionary to describe that.
Tomorrow I will have so many individuals in my heart, thoughts, and prayers. First and foremost I will be thinking of my two amazing parents who lost their oldest child and only son on this day three years ago. They have endured so much, so much more than anyone could ever fathom or try to understand (unless of course they, too, have lost a child), and I have so much respect and compassion for them.
I will also be thinking of my little sister, who has, too, lost her big brother. She has endured the pain with my family and myself over the last three years and has been there every moment any of us have needed anything.
I will also be holding Andy (Fat Brady) in my heart and thoughts on this day as he was one of Joey's very best and closest friends. He was with Joey when the accident happened and sat there by his side holding him throughout the entire process. He saw more and endured more upfront pain than anyone else and he has to live with those memories each and every day. I spoke with him this evening for a few and we had a nice little chat. I know tomorrow will be exceptionally rough for him, so for those of you who pray, say a prayer for him.
I, of course, will also be keeping all the rest of Joey's friends and family in my thoughts as it affects each and every one of us in a different way. I know that there isn't a day that goes by that we don't think of Joey or remember his funny smirk or the way he was constantly there to help anyone in need. The memories of Joey are vast and happy. I've asked a lot of his friends to compile a list of awesome memories they have of Joey, and once we get that list, I'll post it as a bonus to this blog. [If you have a memory of him that you'd be willing to share with us... email it to me at
lonnemanjm@Gmail.com!] That way those of you who read this and knew Joey can have a few good laughs and feel warm in your heart. And for those of you who didn't know Joey, I hope that those memories help you to understand the love we had for him and still have for him.
There is no way to fully describe the feeling of loss that comes with this day, with the death of a loved one, the death of a brother/son/best friend. It is an awful deep gut wrenching feeling that never actually goes away. So many people try to offer the advice "it will get easier with time", but those people who offer that advice, I truly feel, have never endured such pain. Living your daily routine might get easier with time, but the pain and loss one feels never goes away, not even by an exceptionally small margin. In fact, I feel as though the more time that passes the more sickening the feeling is, that it has seriously been this long since we last saw/spoke with/hugged/smiled at my brother.
I want to leave you all with a quote I heard once... "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal." I feel as though it is a perfect quote to sum up this post, this day in my family's life.
I could write for literally hours about the accident itself, how I felt then, how I feel now, how I have grown, how I have healed, how I haven't healed, how my family is coping, etc. But this post would literally drag on for... well, for forever. And I'm sure many of you have zero interest in actually knowing any of that information. But please know, I am open to conversation about my brother, about his life, about his death. So if you ever think you would like to know any of those answers, do not hesitate to ask. It's always nice to have an ear to speak to.
Please keep my family and our friends in your thoughts and prayers today, and tomorrow especially, since it will be an incredibly difficult day for us. We know that Joey is smiling down on us, pushing us through this day, and each and every day at that. I miss you and love you, Joey. Forever.
Untrustworthy #12
People who don't thoroughly enjoy a good time jetskiing.
